Lord of the Poes?
by Raiyne of Gailin
Summary: WE ARE ALL INSANE! MUST STOP WRITING STUPID THINGS THAT CROSS OVER WITH LORD OF THE RINGS!!! AAAAARGH! NEwho, read this if you feel lucky, or unlucky...whatever. We warn you though, it is scary...
1. Default Chapter

The Lord of the Poes  
*Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN*  
  
Ok, this is an insaaaaaaaaaaane store me and my little sis, urehlas_heart, have written. Please R&R to encourage her little 9-year-old butt to write more, and my lazy butt to write more ^_^  
  
Disclaimer.  
  
Raiyne: We don't own Zelda, course, how many times do we gotta go through this?  
  
urehlas_heart: Idunno, ummm..fifty?  
  
Raiyne: Argh.  
  
Down in Kakariko, Link was riding his horse, Epona. Navi had warned him not to come here, but as usual he ignored the irritating fairy. "Idiot!" Navi cried. "Butt munchie!" Link said. He continued on toward the graveyard in search of a special type of poe: the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUN*. It was well known that whosoever catches this poe will have any wish granted as long as the poe was in his possession.literally. One would 'drink' the poe's essence, and become possessed! However, many men were driven to find this poe, often driven insane. Link had just entered the graveyard when he heard something, a sort of howling. Just then, two white wolfos jumped out, ready to attack. "Boo!" they shouted.  
"Butt munchies!" Link screamed as he pulled out his sword. He hacked the living daylights out of each wolfos, not caring of where they came from or what the heck they were doing in a graveyard. Suddenly, the old man known as the Poe Keeper, an old creature with one eye dressed in an old purple cloak, approached him.  
"The Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUN* is not here, boy.And how do I know you are looking for it?" Link was stunned at his accuracy.  
"How?"  
"It is written on your nametag. See? 'My name is Link. I am looking for the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUN*.'"  
"Oh yeah."  
"Anyway, my name is Frodnonag Erimgard."  
"Eh.that's a weird name." Frodnonag gave him a cruel look, then sniffled.  
"Mommy! He's making fun of my name!!" Frodnonag picked up his purple cloak from around his feet and ran away, crying.  
"Geez, what was that all about??" Link turned around and mounted Epona once again. Suddenly, a blond elf appeared, two guards around him. One of the guards jumped upon Epona, grabbed Link by the arms, and threw him off the horse, knocking him unconscious. The other guard simply picked Link up by the arm and started to drag him away.  
The three figures made their way back to Monuce, a city of elves. Leaving Link in a small dungeon below the castle, the first soldier looked to his comrades. "King Valium wants to see the boy. What shall I do with him?"  
"In the morning, you will bring him to the king, you idiot!" the elf screeched.  
The next morning, the elf and two soldiers entered the king's throne room, dragging a baffled Link behind them. The king seemed as though he were asleep.  
"King Valium, we have brought you the boy."  
"Zzzzzzzzzzz."  
"King Valium!"  
"Zzzzzzzzzzz."  
"KING VALIUM!!!"  
"Zzzzzzzzzzz." The elf finally walked up to the king and put his mouth by the king's ear.  
"WAKE UP!!!" Suddenly, the king jumped from his seat.  
"What??" he said.  
"We have brought you the boy, sir," said the second soldier.  
"Zzzzzzzzzzz."  
"Sir!" the elf again screamed.  
"ACK! I'm up! I'm up! Legolas, go find my daughter." The elf obeyed and returned shortly after with a young blonde elf. "Mishayla, is this the boy you thought you saw with your brother's uncle's cousin's sister's former roomate's mother talking about that Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN* ?" Staring into Link's pale blue eyes, she decided to make up a little fib. "No, father. This isn't him."  
"Very well. Men, throw him out of my castle. He looks funny and might scare the children." They obeyed, throwing Link from the front castle gate.  
"Plop," said the sound effects guy.  
"Can't you come up with something better than 'plop'??" asked Link.  
"Splish."  
"Eh."  
"Kaboom!"  
"."  
"Sqeak!"  
"Oy."  
"Moooooooooooo."  
"Oh, forget it!" Link dusted himself off and began to walk away, when Mishayla grabbed him from behind, startling him. "Don't worry, I'll help you find that poe."  
"Wait, how did you know."  
"It's on your nametag, see?" She pointed at the said nametag. "Plus the poe guy told me. He also said you made fun of him."  
"Oy."  
"What was his name anyway?"  
"Frodnonag Erimgard."  
"That IS weird!" She gasped. "You know, if you spell that backwards, it is kinda like Ganondorf Dragmire, no?" Upon hearing this, Link fainted.  
"Splat," said the sound effects guy. This odd sound woke Link up again.  
"What??"  
"Splitty splatty."  
"Oy."  
"Boink."  
"Oh, butt munchies!"  
"Teehee!"  
"Ok, that's enough of that, Raiyne. Cut that out!"  
"Ok, Link. I'm done. Sorry I made you go through all those sound effects!" Mishayla looked at link, baffled as to where that ominious voice came from.  
"Link, who were you talking to?"  
"Oh, that was just the narrator."  
"Oh, ok." Suddenly, a giant alligator alien thing with antennae jumped out of the ground and lunged itself at Link.  
"Whoa, where'd that thing come from??"  
"Crikey!" Everyone looked over to where a man in khaki shorts was standing. "That's a big 'un! Why I reckon that's the largest, most dangerous croc I've ever seen. Danger danger danger. Let's follow it!" Not waiting for the giant alligator to kill him, Link pulled out his sword and sliced it in two. However, before falling to the ground, each half exploded, leaving behind a nice neat pile of goop. The man in shorts approached it, and scooped up a bit in his hand. "Crikey! Croc poo!" and began talking to someone that wasn't there, explaining what croc crap was made of. Meanwhile, Link noticed that Mishayla had disappeared.  
"Where'd she go?" Link wondered.  
"I made her disappear, silly."  
"Raiyne, make her come back. She said she was gonna help me find the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN*."  
"Oh, alright." Suddenly, Mishayla appeared again.  
"Thank you." Link said. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a redead appeared. Mishayla ran as soon as she saw it, but Link stayed and readied his sword. Slowly the undead creature approached. Fear rose in Link's stomach like a pickle on a maple tree.  
"What??"  
"Well, you try coming up with good similes!"  
"Whatever. Get back to the story, Raiyne!"  
"Ok ok." NEwho, the redead walked up to Link, snarling and raising a clawed hand. Just as Link was about to lose all hope, the redead jumped into the air, and returned to the ground wearing a black top hat and holding a shiny cane. It then proceeded to dance and sing Frank Sinatra songs.  
"What the ****????" Link screeched.  
"Sorry about that. That was my sister's fault. She wrote that part."  
"I did not mean to be that stupid, Raiyne. I thought it was funny."  
"Well, whatever urehlas_heart. Don't you think it's time to end this chappy now?"  
"No, I want to torture him."  
"Him who?"  
"Link."  
"WHAT??" Link asked.  
"HEhehehe.ok urehlas_heart. Let's torture him!"  
"Ok, Raiyne!" *poke poke poke*  
"Ooooouch! That hurts! Stop it!!!"  
"Ok, now what?"  
"I say we end this chappy."  
"Ok, Raiyne."  
"Ok, urehlas_heart!"  
"Bye!"  
"Bye!"  
  
The End!!!  
  
******************* Ok, so what do you all think? What will happen to Link? What happened to Navi? What was going through that redead's mind???? Why do I keep coming up with such stupid questions?????? Find out next chapter, same bat-time, same bat-channel!  
  
NEwho, if you don't review, we wont write anymore cause we'll think you think we think you think our story kinda sorta sucks. So R&R or else! Or else what? Idunno, just sounded good..Ciao! 


	2. Chapter 2

Raiyne: Hey! Guess what, peeps! We're back!!!  
  
urehlas_heart: Yeah! We tortured Link enough so now we're back!  
  
Raiyne: You think we should write some more for the peeps out there?  
  
urehlas_heart: Bark!  
  
Raiyne: Eh????  
  
urehlas_heart: Um, I mean, YES!  
  
Raiyne: Ok, then let's get this overwith!!!  
  
Mishayla grabbed Link by the arm. "That was a close one, I thought he was gonna eat you for a second there!"  
"Me, too!" said Link. Suddenly, the redead stopped dancing and walked up to Link.  
"Why are you looking for the Lord of the Poessssssss *Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN* ?"  
"Wait, how'd you know-"  
"Do you reeeeeeeeally want to asssssssssk that quesssssssstion??"  
"Um.nevermind. It's because I have to stop Ganondorf, uh, I mean Frodnonag Erimgard, from getting it to wish for the world to blow up."  
"Why Frodnonag? Why not Ganondorf?" asked Mishayla.  
"Oh, cause he changed his name to Frodnonag."  
"Oh." As Mishayla turned away, the redead turned to Link again.  
"Well, the Lord of the Poessssssssss *Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUN* isssssssss an old friend of mine. I could take you to him down at Lake Hylia!" The three went down to Lake Hylia, crowding on top of poor Epona, whose back was beginning to bow. However, soon they arrived, and were able to give her a break by a large tree with a clawed scar on it. Link approached the water.  
"So, where is this Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUN*?" Link stuck the tip of his boot into the water, but instead of his foot being submerged an inch into the water, it tapped against a somewhat solid lake. "I don't get it, it is still moving and waving like water, but why does it feel solid??" Confused, Link turned to the redead.  
"It is curssssssssed. The Lord of the Poesssssssssss *Dun dun DUUUUUUN* no doubt caussssssssed it. Ssssssssee there, in the middle of the lake, that tiny little island toward thosssssssse cliffssssssssss? The poe issssssss beneath it."  
"How do we get in?" asked Link.  
"Got any bombssssss?"  
"Yeah." Link walked over to the island, and was astonished at his ability to walk on water, so to speak. He took out a bomb.  
"Link!" cried the redead.  
"What??"  
"Don't get too clossssse to the poe. If it ssssssssso much as looksssssssss at you, it could kill you!"  
"Really?" The redead looked down to its hideous feet.  
"Well, that's what everyone says, anyway."  
"Whatever." Link placed the bomb on the ground, lit it, and stepped back.  
"Pluck!" shouted the sound effects guy.  
"Oh, no." Link rolled his eyes.  
"What wasssssssssss that??" questioned the redead.  
"Cluck cluck!!" said the sound effects guy.  
"Come on! Just for once, give me a REAL sound!" Link said, exasperated.  
"Boogie boogie."  
"I give up."  
"Kabooooooooom!"  
"Yay!" Link cheered. A hole opened up in the ground. Suddenly, a voice yelled.  
"Hold it right there!" Frodnonag then appeared holding an empty lantern. Everyone froze and stared into his face. Silence ceased all movement. He then peered into the hole, and quickly turned his face back to Link. "Me first!!!" he squealed in a childish manner.  
The two raced into the hole, Link following closely in Frodnonag's footsteps. Dark tunnels and eerie passageways seemed to line the entire area around them. Suddenly, a shrill scream echoed through all of the tunnels. Both Frodnonag and Link froze in place, awaiting another scream to tell them which direction it came from. As they both hoped, another equally terrifying scream came from their right, and both pursued it relentlessly, sometimes tripping over each other. Finally, they came to a large, open room where a single specter floated around the room in circles. "Why did it scream?" Link asked himself aloud. Suddenly, the poe turned to Link and lunged at him, stopping just in front of his face.  
"There is a most enormous bug over there. Do you think you could kill it for me?"  
"Um." Suddenly, Frodnonag leaped out of his purple cloak, revealing the old Ganondorf Dragmire.  
"Who are you?" asked Link.  
"You fools!"  
"Who are you? Where'd Frodnonag go??"  
"Ugh."said Ganondorf.  
"I'm confused."  
"You idiot! I AM Frodnonag. I was just using that name to get around you!"  
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh," gasped Link. "Didn't that hurt?"  
"WHAT???" Now that Ganondorf was totally confused, he jumped behind the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUUUN* and sucked it into the empty lantern and proceeded to have a long laugh. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah*choke*ahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah*gasp*ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahah *hack*ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahah*wheeze*ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ah...ha!" He took in a long breath. "Now, I have the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun GOOOOOOOGLE!*!" He stopped, his eyes big and his knees bowed. "Um, what was that?" Suddenly, the sound effects guy pranced from behind a boulder, chuckling. Everyone slapped each other's foreheads.  
"OY!" they all shouted together. Then, a large hand dropped from out of the sky and squashed the sound effects guy.  
"Splishishishuffhuffhuffbleeeeeegh.."  
"Oops, sorry! Thought it was a fly!"  
"Raiyne, that was not very nice."  
"Hehe, I know, urehlas_heart.Well, now would prolly be a good time to end the chappy, then, huh?"  
"Ok. I'm sick of writing anyway."  
"But!" Link screeched.  
"SLAP!" Link flew across the room.  
"TORTURE LINKIE! TORTURE LINKIE!! MWAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
THE END!!!  
  
*************************  
  
So, now what do you think? What will happen to the Lord of the Poes *Dun dun DUUUUN*? Who slapped Linkiepoo? What will Ganondorf do with the poe? Find out next chapter, same bat-time, same bat-channel.  
  
DON'T FORGET, R&R!!!! 


End file.
